May The Odds Be Ever In My Favor.

There’s nothing quite as enthralling for me as learning about the way people live in their own natural habitat. Seeing how families run their households is a secret passion of mine. I’m literally paid to walk around and conduct ongoing research about why people are the way they are, what’s important to them, where they come from, and also where they sleep. It really thrills me much more than it should.

My new part-time family has informed me that a large portion of my job will be “following up with the dog’s training,” as the “children” are teenagers and mostly need a referee to ensure that they don’t kill one another and a chauffer to get them to and fro. Therefore, my days will be filled with a big, furry, four-legged baby, which happens to be my favorite kind. What I wasn’t told when I was hired is that I’ll be expected to train the 100 pound German Shepherd puppy in Hebrew. Please don’t ask me why; I really haven’t had the courage to ask that yet. As much as I love finding answers and solving puzzles, it really seems safest to not know this particular one. For the record, the one word in Hebrew I knew prior to this day was chutzpah, which really isn’t all that helpful here. The other thing you should know is that my expectation for “continuing dog training” was something closer to cute little jaunts in the park with a darling puppy. I showed up at 6am on my first day of work with my hair in a messy bun out of the shower, shoes untied…completely ready for a nice little introductory day.

By our third mile on a dead run through trails and hills, my new boss (we’ll call her Kim for all intents and purposes), warmly declared : “don’t worry, you’ll be in much better shape in a few weeks.” (Let me paint you a picture here: I was a Division 1 collegiate athlete, recently ran my first half marathon, and currently exercise moderately 5-6 days a week). Kim is a 52 year old woman, a 90lb Lulu Lemon Wearing Supple Leopard of a human being. She bounds through the hills on the balls of her feet exclusively, it’s really quite a sight. Turns out Kim is conducting her own little research and according to her measuring stick, I passed the mental exam with flying colors (Thank you, God), buuuuut my physical fitness leaves a little to be desired. I work 14 hour shifts for this family a few days a week, so all I have to say is:

Jillian Michaels bod and saying yes to guacamole at Chipotle without covertly checking my mobile banking app on my phone in my pocket HERE I COME.

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